Procrastination Central

Various places on the web (Coming Soon!, AICN et al) have reported that former bodybuilder Roland Kickinger will play the T-800 in Warner Bros. Pictures’ Terminator Salvation:

He will be playing Arnie’s character from the first film, just 20 years prior. A origins story if you may. Sounds cool, so long as he trades in his uber-gay denim shorts for the custom issue Terminator leather.

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I have personally never read the graphic novel (and am often chastised by friends who have), but by all account the source material for this film is the stuff of legend and one of the defining pieces of literature produced in the 20th century. Fast forward to the upstarts who want to make a film adaptation of it and think the technology has finally caught up to Alan Moore’s vision. Now I know nada about it apart from a 5 min glance on the wikipedia page for it but this trailer seems pretty damn cool. No idea how it will be seen by purists, but its got my $15 next March. In case you are mentally impaired and still looking you can click the weird smiley face to watch the trailer.

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Caught the IMAX showing at 3AM last night, yes 3 AM and it was still sold out, every last seat. Where to start? I loved it for the most part, I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet but lets just say Heath Ledger was frikking awesome. He steals the show just like Jack did back in the first Batman, only I think i’d give Heath the nod if I had to chose between the two.

Well scripted, with few plot holes (always a huge pet peeve for me in comic films) and well acted for the most part. My one beef with the casting was Maggie Gyllenhaal. Horrible choice for the role. Katie Holmes worked in the first film because she had two desireable qualities, she was hot and she was forgettable. Unfortunately Jake Gyllenhaal in a dress does not do those things for me. I can only see one Brokeback every 20 or so years.

Bale was once again a very solid Batman, and his stellar supporting cast were excellent, especially Gary Oldman in an expanded role. Is it the best film of all time? No. But Its definitely one of my top 3 comic adaptations of all time, and that’s saying a lot.

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This just in, Claire Danes to star in a new movie called “The Surfboard”, she will play the title role. Wow, this just brings flat-chested to new heights. Nice pose-job for the Paps though.

We ill next see her on the big screen in Me and Orson Welles alongside Zach Effron and Ben Chaplin for director Richard Linklater.

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Alexei Gilmore (”New Amsterdam”) has signed on to star alongside Robin Williams in the dark comedy World’s Greatest Dad. The film stars Williams as a high school poetry teacher and a one-time aspiring writer. His son dies after a freak accident while pleasuring himself. He tries to make the death look like a suicide and wrote a superb note that becomes a sensation.

I pray it isn’t as horrible as Death to Smoochy but who knows, it would appear that Williams’ best acting days are behind him. More often than not his films have been box office duds of late, and with plots such as this can you really blame people.

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A teaser trailer has surfaced on the web. Looks like Bale to the rescue yet again! Me likey.

Also, here is the Yahoo link to the same file.

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Missed me? Ok so after a year long hiatus i’m back at it again. Amazing how time flies when you are busy but I decided that I need to make some more money and have fun doing it so here I am again.

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Nicole Richie pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs and was sentenced to serve four days in either city or county jail. She was credited the fifth day for the six hours she served after being arrested. She was also fined $2,048 and ordered to complete a 21 day alcohol education course, and to serve three years probation.

What is it with all these rich daddy’s girls getting into trouble with the law? Have they slept their way through the entire population so they must turn to butch lesbian criminals for something new? Give me a frikkin break. Also, what’s up with the $2k fine? I’m sure she spends more than $2k on blow and alcohol each night.

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Check out the latest picture of Mr. Brokeback himself Heath Ledger as the one and only Joker. I had serious reservations about him pulling this off. After all, who could be cooler than Jack in the first (and best) Batman? The early pictures have been promising though. Above he gets up close and personal with everyone’s favorite secretary Maggie Gyllenhaal who plays Rachel Dawes (yeh in case you have been living in a shell Katie Holmes got shelved and is not reprising her role from Batman Begins).

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Ok so People Magazine is reporting that Britney jetted off for Vegas with her brother and her two sons on Wednesday afternoon in a private jet. She was spotted out for dinner at the Country Club at the Wynn Las Vegas. She also reportedly made special arrangements to have her hotel room childproofed for the visit. The trip will no doubt create problems for her in her custody battle with ex-hubby K-Fed since under California law you need written consent from a child’s father before taking them out of the state and guess what, K-Fed is saying he didn’t have a clue about the trip.

Now we all know Britney has about as much brains as a backwards Llama but this is just downright dumb. Although, come to think of it she probably thought Vegas is in Cali also. Damn, I can’t believe I used to think she was hot, shame on me. Her sex appeal is at present on par with same said backwards Llama.

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Ok so its been forever but I am back baby. I was abducted by martians for a few months and then I was on a secret security detail in Iraq for the last few weeks but I am finally back and ready to kick the tires of pop culture yet again. Now I must be off…I hear Alba is single again and me needs to get me some.

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Category: Comedy
MPAA rating: R
Principal players: Sacha Baron Cohen, Pamela Anderson, Ken Davitian
Director: Larry Charles
Grade: B

“Borat” is one of those movies where the majority of people ask: Who is this Borat character? Who is this movie is targeted at? And How in the world did this movie get green lit to be made? Borat, a persona of Sacha Baron Cohen (Da Ali G Show) is an incredibly vulgar and offensive journalist from Kazakhstan who in this movie comes to the United States to film a documentary. And while here, he seemingly falls in love in love with blonde bombshell C.J. Parker aka Pamela Anderson’s “Baywatch” character. And it becomes his mission to make her his wife.

Seems kind of stupid right? As much as you want to hate “Borat,” you really can’t. The movie is easily the most laugh out loud uproarious movie in years. And Cohen’s portrayal of the oblivious and discriminatory journalist is so top notch; I would love to see him in the Academy Awards hunt at the year’s end. Portraying an anti-Semitic, sex loving idiot is a challenge. And Cohen pulls it off; you really think that he is this character, instead of a Jew from Britain. And as one of the writers he has created one of the most distasteful movies I’ve ever seen, but even that cannot stop you from laughing right along with him at its shear guilty pleasure.

The movie starts off right away. There is no long and drawn out description of why Borat is going to America. All the necessary background information with all of the unnecessary details is presented right away. Right from the onset the laughs start, and trust me, they do not stop until the very end of the movie. The comedy is loud and offensive, and it guarantees to knock your out of your seat. That pretty much sums up the movie in a nutshell, a vulgar comedy guaranteed to make anyone laugh at inappropriate comments.

The one scene that deserves more attention is the “sex scene” I guess you’d call it. It contained the most disturbing images of my life. From excessive male nudity in a variety of different positions and camera angles, I, without exaggerating, fell part way onto the floor of the movie theater. Thankfully there are very few words during this, because I guarantee no one could have heard anything for ten solid minutes. It’s one of those “you have to be there” moments.

After a short running time of an hour and twenty five minutes, I decided that I had had enough. While I admit I have never laughed harder in a movie, there just is a point where the humor starts to get a little old. Maybe it’s just the odd voice, but I think it had made its point anyway. It’s almost as if “Borat” knew it could only captivate for that long, because there really is nothing extraneous or out of place to make the run time stretch by a few more minutes.

“Borat” has received a lot of hype in that he is making the United States look bad, and even that he is depicting Kazakhstan in a bad light. Well to stop the rumors, both are correct. He blatantly pokes fun at the United States, and it results in being one of the most politically incorrect and offensive movies ever. Only when you realize that Cohen is kidding, as he is fact Jewish, and his jokes are more spurning awareness than hatred do you understand. Dare I say this is the message America needed to show how some people are still discriminatory and it should not be put up with? And I’m not even going to start delving into what he makes Kazakhstan look like.

Obviously the subject matter is intended for a mature audience. But the amount of male nudity and vulgar sexual language certainly make this movie only appropriate for those individuals college aged and older. In fact, I am still scratching my head as to how this movie did not garner the dreaded NC-17 rating. Oh wait, maybe it’s because they did have a black censor bar to at least attempt to hide some nudity. Anyways, it is a funny movie that an older audience could enjoy, so I definitely recommend a viewing. I wasn’t really a fan of Borat (the character) before I saw the movie, and he has changed my opinion of himself.

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Category: Comedy
MPAA rating: PG-13
Principal players: Billy Bob Thornton, Jon Heder, Jacinda Barrett
Director: Todd Phillips
Grade: C+

“School for Scoundrels” is one of those movies that seem caught between genres. It looks like it wants to be a teen comedy, or maybe even a slight romantic comedy, yet it has this urge to be a vulgar adult comedy. Just look at the track record of Billy Bob Thornton to see why. “School for Scoundrels” pushes the boundaries of a PG-13 comedy, and opts for a much more mature and adult subject matter. But that is where the problem for this movie lies. It tries to be so many things, and appeal to so many different audiences; it loses much of its purpose, and ends up just being average. I only wonder what this movie could have been like had it been rated R, and Billy Bob Thornton was allowed to go as wild as he pleases.

The movie basically centers on Roger (Jon Heder), a meter maid with absolutely no personal confidence. It is constantly harped on the fact that he is easily pushed around, and is a complete loser. Roger though, does have a crush on a neighbor in his apartment complex Amanda (Jacinda Barrett). Well after receiving some advice from a friend, he enters a “school” where Dr. P (a very impressive and deceiving Billy Bob Thornton) and his wannabe bodyguard Lesher (Michael Clark Duncan) basically teach guys to be confident jerks. All starts off good until Dr. P also develops feelings for Amanda, and so a battle must begin. Roger versus Dr. P. Both try to keep things hidden from Amanda in a battle of wits, deception, and tennis rackets.

While the movie is decently funny in some parts, it is not a laugh out loud riot, but just average. Many of the parts seem slightly silly, intended for Director Todd Phillips’ “Old School” audience. The movie does succeed in being very vulgar though. It is truly amazing that the movie got away with being a PG-13 movie after some of the implications, and things that they say. On another note, what I thought would be a very predictable movie, actually did have me guessing at a few parts. I’m not sure if I was just confused at what was going on, or it did actually twist my mind, but regardless it was a pleasant surprise.

Thankfully, Heder sheds a lot of his “Napoleon Dynamite” shtick which is ever so annoying. While he still has his moments, in general I was very impressed that he looks to finally be distancing himself from that role. A wise career decision, he is finally establishing himself as a comedy actor that does not need to be stereotyped. He’s already had one movie with David Spade and Rob Schneider, he doesn’t need another.

The cameos in the movie are a strong point (minus one who will be mentioned later). Sarah Silverman, who is one of the funniest female comics at the moment, is great in her role. Her bitter sarcasm and no nonsense attitude make the audience crack up, without her seemingly trying. Look for her to get much bigger roles in the future after her string of successful cameos. David Cross, a former “student” of Thornton’s also makes an appearance. The Boys and Girls Club scene is one of the funniest, and you can thank him for that.

Ben Stiller’s announced cameo is unfortunately one disappointment of the film. His part seemed forced, and wasn’t really necessary. It didn’t ruin the movie for me, as Will Ferrell’s cameo in “Wedding Crashers” nearly did, but it does nothing for me. And this is coming from a fan of Ben Stiller. He had a few funny lines, but in general was not needed.

While “School for Scoundrels” ended up being slightly better than I anticipated, it doesn’t separate itself in any real way from the majority of other movies this year. It is a decent comedy, funny at times, but lacking the laughs to put it in a category with the year’s funniest so far. While I would argue that the movie is not worth the price of an admission to the movie theater, I think it should be a widely popular and successful rental on DVD. And it is worth watching at least at that point.

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Category: Comedy
MPAA rating: R
Principal players: Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Kevin Heffernan, Jay Chandrasekar, Steve Lemme
Director: Jay Chandrasekar
Grade: B+

The summer movie season comes to an end, and the school year begins, with a good old fashioned college booze-fest comedy. “Beerfest,” is the third major release from the comedy troop Broken Lizard, and it would prove to be their ultimate test. You cannot have a movie involving drinking games unless it is absolutely hysterical, and after the complete dud that was “Club Dread,” they need to get out of that sophomore slump. Well this time Broken Lizard outdid themselves. They created not only a very funny movie, but one that will doubtlessly be replayed over and over again in every fraternity house in the nation.

The plot of the movie is fairly simple, and basically revolves around an International Drinking Competition (basically drinking games in the vain of beer pong and quarters) in which the United States does not even field a team, because they are viewed as a joke. This all changes when two brothers Todd and Jan Wolfhouse (Erik Stolhanske and Paul Soter) travel to Germany to bury their great-grandfather and stumble upon this underground tradition. After being publicly humiliated, they vow to return the following year with a team to win. And so begins “Beerfest.” There are a few other plots along the way, but I’ll let you view those for yourself.

This plot and the excessive amount of drinking are revealed right away, but the laughter is not. The first fifteen to twenty minutes of the movie seem to go by slow, and are painfully not funny. But at a running time of nearly two hours, “Beerfest” has plenty of time to pick up, and boy does it do that. It gets progressively funnier, all the way through until the end, and until it has you falling out of your seat.

Kevin Heffernan steals the movie. The movie really starts to pick up once he makes his first appearance on screen. His role is classic, and outdoes the “oh so famous” role of Farva, which is truly hard to believe, I know. Jay Chandrasekhar also puts in a more than solid effort. The back story on his character alone is worth a movie in itself. The rest of the cast are their typical selves, and there’s not too much wrong with that. The role played by Mo’Nique was a pleasant surprise, and she really handled herself in a movie not typically of the genre or supporting cast that she’s used to. But the absolute most jaw dropping parts of the movie belong to 80 year old Cloris Leachman who plays the Wolfhouse’s grandmother nicknamed “Gam Gam.” Literally laughing until I cried, I won’t even begin to write about some of her scenes, because they are not nearly appropriate, and would get me into serious trouble.

The movie is a comedy in the fashion of ‘Old School,” but is a lot better, and funnier. And it has none of the ever annoying Will Ferrell. Fans of Broken Lizard will not be disappointed, because it is certainly their funniest movie to date, and will probably end up being as quoted as their cult favorite “Super Troopers” tends to be. Lots of great crude and sexual humor and excessive amounts of beer make this a very funny movie. And when mixed in with a soundtrack that only this audience could love, the movie is propelled over the top.

The movie pushes the limit of its R-rating, and it does so in all areas. They get away with a lot for the sake of comedy. From sexuality to gross out humor, it is definitely for mature audiences, which is probably the group of people that want to see the movie anyway.

“Beerfest” is certainly one of the year’s funniest movies, ranking up there in the top three. It is very catchy, very cult driven, and a just a plain good time to watch. For those into college aged comedies, they will not be disappointed, and it is definitely worth at least one theater viewing, and will most likely be followed by excessive viewing on DVD. For those who may not have this at the top of their most anticipated list, it really is still worth a watch, because it does impress, and you will laugh. Now I just have to wait a couple of months until I can buy the DVD and watch it over an over again.

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The Fantastic Four sequel just got itself a name: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Here is more on its premise from SuperHeroHype.com:

In the sequel, the enigmatic, intergalactic herald, The Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As the Silver Surfer races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben must unravel the mystery of The Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Doom, before all hope is lost.

This is pretty much what we saw during the origin of the Silver Surfer so many moons ago. One change of course is that he was the herald for the planet-eater Galactus who Fox don’t seem so keen to include. Dr. Doom stole the Surfer’s powers at one point in the series (it happened a few issues after his first appearance) and that seems to be the focus here. Still, who knows how they will pull off his shiny silver appearance without looking mucho cheesy. Going to be a big risk, and have a costly price-tag attached to it.

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